every tear a waterfall ..

They say you never know what you have until you lose it, but in the context of our chapter in the book of life’s imprudent irony, they also say that it is me who was lost. I wake up in the morning wondering which shade of lipstick would go best with the frown I’m wearing and which pair of sunglasses is big enough to shield the despondency reflected on my face. A feeling of sadness, which no matter how much I try to conceal, is still there stabbing my heart harsher everyday and it can’t seem to let go of me and I, myself, can’t seem to let go of its root: a root that once blossomed ecstasy in my heart is now the source of my ceaseless agony.
I wish I could interpret the swarm of sentiments centered in me into evocative, eloquent, words. However, these sentiments try to rush out through a narrow channel of expressiveness in a chaotic manner causing and decoding nothing but reverberations of pain every time I try to speak up.
I once had a plan. I once had my whole life figured out in the grasp of my hand. But then my fingers started to loosen up, finger by finger with each bump on the road… loosening up and letting go of my incarnate fantasy. But my heart, my flawed heart, is still holding on and hoping for a resurrection of what I once had.

& this is exactly why I can't help but shed couple of tears every time this song is played ..



When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
and dreamed of
Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise
Every time she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
and the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she'd fly

and dreams of
Para-para-paradise

xX♥mosha

The Most Beautiful Makeup for a Woman is Passion - YSL

I stared at this quote long enough thinking about its underlying connotation. I smiled at first thinking this image would make a lovely BBM display picture, and so I instantaneously saved it in my smartphone’s memory. Conversely, the quote kept echoing over and over in mine. The most beautiful makeup for a woman is passion, Huh! So if I were to dispose of all my makeup pallets and brushes and adopt the conception of beautifying myself with my passions, what would these passions be?

Passions is conclusively “love” or at least that’s the conclusive synonym we more often than not find directly to it. And love is….? To objects, to materials, to titles, to palpable and impalpable gains, love is indisputably existent. But love to one another seems to be exclusive for fairytales. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a cynic. And if you are one of my closest friends reading this, you know for sure that I am not. I grew up watching what every child who was born in the 90s must have watched. I didn’t watch a panda that is a kung fu fighter or animals escaping the zoo like those from Madagascar although I grew older to love watching these movies with my nieces and nephews. But factually, I spent my childhood, and part of my adulthood to be honest, watching animated love stories. I grew up watching how Princess Jasmine fell for the street urchin, how Ariel was willing to give up her whole life in the sea and her identity as a mermaid to win a human’s soul and to be with Prince Eric and he, willfully, loved her despite her disability to speak. I grew up speculating thought of how a beautiful girl like Belle could fall for an ugly beast with antagonism issues. But she loved him anyway and transformed him into charming Prince Vincent just like when Princess Zora kissed the frog and transfigured him into a prince. Just by typing these last few lines, it struck me that the idea of Yves Saint Laurent’s quote is there planted in two of my favorite childhood fairytales but applied to men. A kiss with passion turned the beast to the handsome Prince Vincent and a kiss with passion turned the frog into a prince. How didn’t I think of that before? BUT we are still speaking within the fairytale and the make-believe frame of thought. I grew up thinking that someday a prince will swipe me off my feet and own my heart. Soon to be 22 years old, I have met no one but real beasts and frogs that are exultant to be beasts and frogs forever. And so I believe it is rational to closely renounce the idea and conclude that passion for people is not what is going to add a tad of shimmer to my cheeks.

With the above account comes a marriage proposal to a career. I have heard it million times and I have read it in myriad books, recently in Desperate in Dubai: career girls always end up alone. To live successfully alone or to live stressfully with a frog?, I wondered. And since I have verified to myself that I am my best company many times, I made my peace with the career vs. husband parable (until a prince who believes in women’s triumphs shows up, perhaps!). But with a major that I am not sure why I am in, I believe it is going to be a struggle such as that of mine with statistics. I sometimes wonder why am I a student at the School of Business and Management and I question my belonging to that institution. If anything, my high grades in literature, painting, and photography show my unfortunate choice of major and my unfitting place in the school of business. However, I am trying to sugarcoat my contemptible state of being by minoring in design, a “passion” of mine, and thinking of declaring a second minor in Literature, another “passion” of mine, although I am going to graduate a little later than my friends but that’s okay as long as the “passion” is there with me. After receiving calamitous grades this semester in some business courses, not major courses though just prerequisites and courses that I have to take in order to obtain my marketing degree (marketing of which I am good at, just to be clear), I was on the verge of going all crazy and throwing away three years of my life, changing my major, and starting over with something that I have the “passion” for. My usual partner in crime and foolish ideas, Noura, was there helping me fashion a new life plan with a new major. Oh my sweet Noura, how crazy I drive you! I have wasted her time forecasting and supposing something that is not going to happen. I decided to be that fish in Einstein’s quote, but instead, I am going to climb that tree. And so I must find “passion” in what I do and if it is not there, I must fabricate it.

If I were to come off as corny, I would bore you with a paragraph on “passion for fashion” right about here, but I am going to leave that aside. I believe that I will come out to discover my real passions after graduation. And as long as I have my Bobbi Brown mascara, my Urban Decay’s naked pallet eye shadow, and my Dior lip maximizer on, you must know that I have not pinpointed my passions yet.

xX♥mosha

random pictures from my camera

I like snapping pictures a lot yet I am no photographer although for a while I adopted photography as an interest in high school. I like taking pictures of random things or whatever I find noteworthy yet I seldom find a suitable blog post to hold these photos. Sometimes I snap pictures with a blog post idea in my head but after a while I just forget what I wanted to write about! So I guess this is just the first batch of these random pictures I have in my camera:

here I was asked by Baby Aliya to snap a picture of her with Goofy at Dubai Mall after purchasing something fluffy. This girl loves posing and having pictures of herself taken…

this was one of my favorite cartoons as child. I still remember, as if it was yesterday, how my schedule was back then: School, home, lunch, homework, waiting for the ice-cream truck to pass by, then TV. I wasn’t allowed to wait for the ice-cream truck outside the house gates, so usually the maid would wait outside then ask the ice-cream truck driver to go through the house’s gate THEN I would go out in the yard to buy my daily ice-cream and chocolate treats. My mother was over-protective of me (and still is) as I’m the youngest- my siblings weren’t treated this way.. they lived a normal childhood!! Did I ever mention that I don’t know how to ride a bike? Yup, my mother didn’t want me to get any bruises or scars. So anyway, right after the ice-cream truck would leave, this show used to start. My sister (baby Aliya’s mother) purchased the DVDs a while ago from Festival City’s Toys ‘r Us DVD section as it was also one of her favorite shows as a child. However, her daughter finds it dull! I love watching it from time to time as it reminds me of my childhood.

I just can’t stop eating junk food for good. I tried and I can’t! however, I was able to cut back for three months. Now I try to limit myself to one unhealthy meal per week.

Also when I was a child, I was used to eating while watching something and I grew up into it. Now I do not enjoy a meal without watching one of the shows I love unless of course I’m on a lunch or dinner table with a group of people.

This was the wall decoration behind the reception desk at Shangri La hotel in Abu Dhabi. I thought of Noura when I first saw it as she LOVES burqas (as you can see from her Twitter picture) so I snapped this picture for her.

On one of those casual days out with Noura, we went to watch a movie at Mall of the Emirates. While ordering snacks, we saw this little milk jug shaped as a cow. We thought it was hilarious and wanted to snap a picture of it only to find the guy working there posing for us while holding it … I just love Pilipino people!

xX♥mosha